How do you set boundaries with people? I've been called "easy" b/c ppl can get me to do things for them.

It makes me mad b/c most of the time I'm only trying to help out of the goodness of my heart but it hurts that ppl think they get one over on me. I don't do everything ppl want but for some reason ppl seem to push me to see what I'll do.





For instance, this lady in my church grp always needs a ride. Sometimes I don't feel like going but I do just b/c she needs a ride. Or if some ministry is asking for $, I'll give b/c I feel bad for the ppl the ministry is helping.





It's like I've got a target on my forehead or something. I wish I were stronger or tougher but I'm just such a ppl pleaser.





I know I need therapy but is there anything anyone can say to help me change???

How do you set boundaries with people? I've been called "easy" b/c ppl can get me to do things for them.
It's basically a matter of considering your needs as well as those of others.





Sure, someone needs a ride, money, whatever - but what does it cost you to give it to them? Your needs are just as legitimate as everyone else's, and even more so to you, since they're *your* needs. It's not selfish when you consider your own needs; it's only selfish when you actively harm people in doing so (and no, refusing a favor is not "actively harming").





Do the internal math when someone asks for a favor; if it costs you very little to help them, but really helps them a lot, then maybe you should.





But if it involves going out of your way to do something that isn't particularly important in the scheme of things, then it's okay to say no.





In fact, it's always okay to say no. And it's not necessarily easy for someone like you - it's something you've got to practice at. It'll become easy after a while, but until then, it'll take some effort.
Reply:Yes, you have a bull's eye on your forehead because your reputation as an easy, free-


hearted, people pleaser had been put out into the streets by those who have taken advantage of your kindness.





No, you do not need therapy...the people who get over on you do. There is nothing


wrong with you. Nothing.





But you do need to learn whom you can help


and whom you cannot. So. let's begin with A: you can't please people no matter how hard you try. It's an uphill battle which will


only result in failure.


B: even if you could please people you would lose your sanity because you're not


ever pleasing yourself.


You're in church so you should be aware that there are times when we are to say no;


according to the scriptures. You have God's permission to turn down doing a deed for someone. You have the Lord's annointment


to not make it easy for others to use, abuse


and make a mockery of you.


It's okay to be kind, as long as you're not being a doormat.


You are stronger, because it takes strength to be who you are; a kind, noble, humble and meek individual. " The meek shall inherit


the earth".


You are tougher, because it takes a very weak person to take advantage of some one's kind nature. But , they won't prosper,


for, " no weapons formed against thee shall


ever prosper ".





Changing is a step by step process which begins with your learning to look out for your own best interests.


Simply say no. You don't owe them any explanations; they're not your personal obligations.


You have to train your mentality to refuse to accept their behaviors.


You have to teach yourself that you don't have to try to please any one; especially when it's apparent that they could care less about you.


Stop biting your tongue and speak up, stand up for yourself. Because if you don't


defend yourself, who else will?





Best of luck to you and to yours.


Love, peace and happiness.
Reply:help the people who help you.. im kinda the same wayy but i've learned that people will use you if you are liek that